Pure Torture

Some things are not meant to go together. Though I suspected it at the outset, when you combine this:

And, this:

It results in Hell on Earth. 




A month after moving to Florida we are still partially in boxes; we are still unsure of how we will finish putting our house together. We are still in a state of chaos and until yesterday I was nearly certain we would live that way for eternity. But last week I started to get antsy. It's been bugging me to be so unsettled so long after moving here. To remedy the problem I decided to buck up and make the trek to Ikea (because it's affordable) all by myself with two kids. *bad idea*

2:15pm - - Ikea is about 1 hour and 15 minutes from my house. Henry and Amelia both slept the entire drive. *success*

3:30 - - We arrived at Ikea and sat in the car for fifteen minutes while I fed Amelia so we would have some uninterrupted shopping time. *success*

3:45 - - My strategy was to put Amelia in the Snuggli (baby carrier on my chest) and Henry in the shopping cart with his Leapster game. So, after feeding Amelia, I stepped out of the car and proceeded to put her in her Snuggli. While I was occupied, Henry proceeded to lock and shut all the car doors. Everything (except the people) was inside. No keys. No wallet. No binki. No glucometer or insulin. Nothing. *serious failure*

3:50 - - Go inside and find nice stranger with iPhone to lookup and call locksmith to my rescue.

4:05 - - Go outside to wait for locksmith. Henry informs me he must pee now. I cannot go inside or I risk missing the locksmith, so instead I make Henry pee on a tree. Thirty minutes, $120 and one indecent exposure later, I again have access to my car. *sigh*

4:35 - - Proceed inside to begin shopping trip. Henry spots the kids care center and decides it looks fun and insists on staying. *success*

4:45 - - Henry and I learn that he is too short to stay. Henry cries. No, Henry wails. *failure*

5:00 - - Get Henry ice cream. Begin shopping (three hours after the beginning of our journey). Tired already. *sigh*

5:45 - - Spend 30 minutes in the family bathroom. Feeding Amelia. Changing her diaper twice. Really grossed out by the bathroom. *yuck*

6:15 - - Tired of shopping (actually, just looking) we stop at the cafe for dinner. Amelia is crying and getting sick of being ignored. Henry is running amok. I am one of THOSE mothers now. (You know, the crazy frazzled one at the store with multiple children.) *embarrassed*

7:15 - - Begin making a list of the things that need to be picked up. Realize I cannot possibly do all this alone with two kids. Consider leaving with nothing. *depressed*

7:20 - - Henry pinches his bottom while playing in the shopping cart. Commence wailing yet again. *careful not to get frustrated, why did I come to Ikea with two kids!?!*

7:30 - - Find nice worker who tells me how to make the list and have the Ikea workers pick it up for me and deliver it to my house, for a fee of course. *finally success*

Finally, at 8:00 we get in the check out line. Wait for a half hour in one line and Twenty minutes in the home delivery line. Too many lines! *serious stress*

After finalizing everything we go back to the car where I again feed Amelia.  On the road again. It is now at least 9:00pm.

After driving for 3 minutes Henry informs me he must go pee, even though I had just minutes earlier instructed him to go pee before we left and he didn't have to go. We have to pull over at a gas station. *frustration*

By now Amelia is very upset at being ignored and carted around all day. She cries most of the way home. *sad* *failure*

After thirty minutes we pull over and lay on the grass together. I can't wait to get home but the kids need some down time right now. *undecided*

While I am occupied with Amelia Henry proceeds to lock and shut all doors. *mad*

Luckily I'm brilliant and kept the keys with me this time. *success*

11:00pm arrive home. Joe puts Henry to sleep and Amelia refuses. She is not tired. *sigh*

12:30am restless sleep.

I definitely won't be doing that again.